So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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