Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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