my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can I color on your dick again?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
