I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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