I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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