Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
