I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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