remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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