i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
