O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
