I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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