oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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