Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
