he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sarcasm needs its own font
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
MIDGETS
????
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
