Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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