I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think a kid would responsible me up
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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