k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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