i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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