I cannot find my penis.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
