Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
