Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
