put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
