i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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