Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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