is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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