I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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