I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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