Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
