you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
