i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
