Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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