i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
