She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
