i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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