Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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