omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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