Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
