i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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