i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
