omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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