Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
