i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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