I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
