her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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