I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
