It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
