At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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