well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
