im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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