Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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