Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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