It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
